Sunday, September 04, 2005

The 2-Minute Drill...

Lots to talk about, so little time.

*Okay, so I was wrong about Pitt. I wasn't wrong that Wanny sucks, but I was wrong that Pitt would be Notre Dame. I bet Drew that I would eat a ladle full of mayonnaise if Pitt lost. A three-touchdown deficit later, I'm staring down the jar of a fattening condiment once again.

In retrospect, it seems that mayonnaise has the power to turn anything I say the opposite way. Just mix some Gwaltney, Southern Cal and a touch of mayo...and bam! The No. 14 is wearing Gold and Blue for eternity. Add a first-year head coach and a tumbling football program on the road? Not scary, eh? Well, combined with mayonnaise, and the Irish find six touchdowns and an easy win against a supposed Big East favorite.

So, I figure that I will bet the following. Let's aim high, and at the impossible.

-If I have a threesome in the next six months, I will eat a jar of mayonnaise.

-I will eat a jar of mayonnaise if the Redskins make the playoffs.

-I will eat a jar of mayonnaise if someone actually pays me six figures to teach.

-I will eat a jar of mayonnaise if David Lamm turns out to be straight.

-I will eat a jar of mayonnaise if Ashton Kutcher becomes tolerable.

-I will eat a jar of mayonnaise if "W" turns out to be even a decent president after six years in office. Ha, don't have to worry about Hellman's here.


*Speaking of Bush, did anyone catch Kanye West's rant on national television? Live, no less? It's one for the highlight reels. Check it out here. West blasts Bush for dragging his feet on aid because a majority of the victims in New Orleans were black. Get 'em, Kanye.

*So the College GameDay crew now consists of the regulars of Chris Fowler, Kirk Herbstreit and Lee Corso. And the man doing the dirty work each week, finding that all-important scoop that non of the other thousand starving and aspiring journalists can find? Nick Fucking Lachey. Seriously.

Is there anyone out there with less talent that has somehow "achieved" more than Nick Lachey, and not deserved one bit of it? Okay, besides Ashton.

*By the way, I still think Trev Alberts is a douche.

*I saw 40-year Old Virgin on Saturday evening, and I must say, it is one of the best comedies I've seen in quite some time. It's brilliant. It really isn't cut from the mold of Van Wilder, Deuce Bigalow or Freddy Got Fingered. This is an instant comedy classic, like Dumb & Dumber, Billy Madison or Happy Gilmore. The entire lot of characters is superb, and it's not-stop laughs from beginning to end. I highly recommend this movie. Go see it. Now. Go. Stop reading. Please. It's worth it. And get Milk Duds.


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